More Submission Tips
31 Oct 2010

Andrew Lownie, drawing on some recent submissions, lays out some rules when pitching to an agent.

APPROACH THE AGENT PROPERLY

It’s very easy to identify an agent so no reason to address e mails as follows:

Kind att of the general manager .

Dear Sir / Madam. I take the liberty to address you .

Dear Robert,

Dear Ladies and Gentlemen,

Dear Respectful One,

Hi There,

Dear Potential Partner,

Dear Media Entrepreneurs/Book Publishers & World Citizens,

Good day, Dear Beloved One

Dear Sir Andrew

Dear All

Hi guys,

Dear Agent Lownie,

Hello My Good Friend,

My Dearest,

Dear Mr. Lounie,

Dear Mrs. Heasley,

Dear Friend,

Greetings dear in the matchless name of Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!

Publishing Agent,

Dear Mr./Ms.

Dear Literary Lovers

Hello my dear,

Andrew Lowniel, Londron

Dear Mr. Agent:

Agents,Production Companies,And Other,

To Whom It May Concern:

Hey，how are you doing recently?

Dear Mr. or Mrs. Agent-

Dear Madams and Sirs at Andrew Lownie Literary Agency,

Dear God’s elect

Greetings

Hi, respected sir/madam

The Consulting Editor, The Andrew Lownie Literary Agency Ltd, 36 Great Smita Street,

DON’T BOAST

Make your case but let me be the judge of the material and don’t exaggerate:

I am writing to offer you the once in a lifetime chance to represent a new Theory of Evolution that makes Neo-Darwinism obsolete.

All of my friends feel that this Book will compete with J.K. Rowling’s “Harry Potter”.

I believe this project could be the most unique and timely to have come across your desk in a long.

I am Proud to pronounce that I’m putting together a Book that is expected to become the Highest Earner in Sales since everyone is going to buy it and read it.

I understand the nature of poetry publication in this day & age, but I cant help feeling feel, at 33 years old, that I have just completed the worlds first Global Epic Poem. However, bombast is easy, & I’d prefer to let my poem do the talking - which is attached above.

I think in five years this book it will be more sell all over the world that all your agency books: Although I am relatively unknown, my writing is comparable to writers like J.D. Salinger and F. Scott Fitzgerald, and I am considered a genius although I don’t refer to myself in this manner.

I think my work (books, etc.) will rock the world once I find the right agent/publisher.

I feel your Agency would benefit greatly by representing my book- The Root.

My discoveries are expected to change conventional History, Astro-physics,Bio-physics and spiritual studies in the Universities all over the World.

WRITE CLEARLY AND GRAMMATICALLY

Would you be so kind as to direct your typical neophyte surrounded by sectarians in the right direction toward a someone like yourself who might be able to at least take a look at the text to see if it worthy of being represented?

I am the lover of English of language, working as a Post-graduate English teacher

At this time I would like to request your audience for my historical thriller

Without embarrassment I can state that to both our leading influences of religion and politics, the book will allow ordinary people question either group of our leaders in the positive, because overall it will create the new standard of Fifth Dimensional thinking?. Which makes no claim or demands save our facing up to reality in these most modern of times!

I am writing to you today as an inquiry regarding representation for publication of my book. I attained your name and information through one of the popular agency listing web sites and, upon learning more about you and your business, I would like to reach out to gauge if you have any interest in representing me or perhaps even suggestions about steps I should take towards publication.

A few years ago i writed 2 trilogies and 1 single novel

This letter is not intended to cause any embarrassment in whatever form, rather is compelled to contact your esteemed self, following the knowledge of your high repute and trustworthiness.

I will be taking you for a journey not only through my mail route but also the twist and turns off the route throughout my life.

This novels is writed in spanish language:

It’s funny, full of whit and random in every aspect.

I was opportuned to stumbled on your company’s website through www.writer.net, where I read about the publishing company and the services rendered to both the published authors and new authors.I developed the interest to contact you with my manuscript as a new and unpublished author.To see if I my work could be considered for representation by you.

CHECK WHAT THE AGENT HANDLES

I have a very clear website which shows the sort of books I handle and also state clearly in reference books what I take on. Be sufficiently professional to look at either before pitching to me as it saves time all round. I only take on books written in English and which have some commercial appeal. Over half of the hundred submissions I receive each day are not within my area of interest or expertise such as:

“The Dynamics of Human Resources :A Journey into the Noble Practice of Managing Human Capital”,

sir, Can you please tell me in which discipline and language you do deal ? waiting for your kind reply

My novel is setted in USA, but is wrote in italian language… Is it a ploblem?

My 600-word picture book DREAMY PIES IN THE SKY targets readers four through eight. In my research, I have not yet found a picture book about an urban pie factory, so I think it would make an ideal title for publication.

The story of two generations of a family from the village of Caton in Lancashire.

Unfotunately this book is in persian (I came to the US four months ago and my English is not good yet). I hope you are intrested in these kind of books.

A scholarly book with a light touch on the fourteenth century Poet Laureate Francesco Petrarca.

The book which is written in Hebrew consists of seven chapters and is accompanied with 8 colored drawings

Hi I am looking to get myself published through Dark Horse Comics and need a good agent would you be able to help

I am nearing completion of a book on the history of Caithness Glass paperweights (an interest I share with thousands of other people around the world).

hi Andrew… i got your email out of one of those writer’s market books… can you tell me what agency/publisher you’re with so i can keep track of my rejections!

two sexy short stories and three jailhouse blues/rap songs/tunes) [dedicated to any and all of Earth’s slaves and inmates; past present and future

HONESTY ISN’T ALWAYS THE BEST POLICY

I’m sure you are having a long, hard day ploughing for submission after submission. I am also sure that in your daily routine you have to read a fair amount of what is often refferred amongst the general populous as ‘crap’?

Well a bit of good news for you, that one gem that you have been waiting for is sitting atop of this email as an attachment. Cocky bugger aren’t I?

Before anything else, I must inform you that the novel is highly polemical. It is very likely to stir up reactions as hostile as those to Salman Rushdie’s “Satanic Verses”, among fundamentalists of all the three great monotheistic religions.

Four out of five agents have shown interest in taking it on so figured I’d email a few more and see who can offer me the best deal before I finalise something.

I have attached a brief, very unfinished piece of work. I know you must get hundreds of pieces of rubbish like this but if you do see anything worthy in the document then do contact me. I was wondering how to write this covering letter but it all seems pretty clear I know the enclosed is literal very poor, language, structure etc, but then I am not the most literary person. The idea of the project is to produce a piece of work that is not just based on the medium of words but visual impression and musical stimulants

I have no agent,no friends in the biz, no money and really poor grammar so if your(sic) still reading this good on you.

I have a book I wrote which has been, to date, rejected by over 20 agents and publishing firms.

I have an agent in NYC and a 180000 historical novel with her… but the truth is, I’d like to knock her on the head with it.

This book is a complete piece of art whether it is ultimately a good or bad one. Every page has it’s purpose although it may not be all that obvious at times.

TOO MUCH INFORMATION

It is useful to know an author’s qualifications to write a book, their platform and perhaps any interesting publicity angles but some authors can take it too far…

I have a penchant for fine French cuisine, very hot Indian curries and well executed mashed potato.

My personal bio includes sheep shearer, wing walker and waxwork model.

My step-mom is a “voodoo witch”. My paralyzed father acted as if he was a “zombie”, so i was forced to run-away and become an underage prostitute; victim of rapes and accessory to murder. The book is to be published on my birthday 9/20/10 and will do great in Atlanta, seeing that most people will relate.

I am a 33 year old poet and author from Ahmedabad , India . I am also an Eight - Time World Record holder for my Poetry with the Limca Book of Records ( 2nd in official world rankings to the Guinness Book of World Records ) and a Goodwill Ambassador for the International Goodwill Treaty for World Peace .Till date , in my mortal capacity and by God’s invincibly astounding grace on me , I have authored several poetry books which constitute of nearly 7000 pages of my Poetry .

Height: 180 cm , Weight: 76kg , no-smoker, moderate drinker, part time writer, chess player, soccer and jazz fan).

DO YOU REALLY NEED A LITERARY AGENT

Would you be interested in being involved in The London Pet Show?

I have been told that if any girls were born on the 24th May 1900 that parliament offered them a sum of money if they chose the name Victoria in honour of the Queen. Can you put me in contact with any one who could verify this?

Hey, I just wanted to share my new song with you.

Good day! My name is Sir William Wilcox,I work with the Euro Lottery. I can help you win 4,528,000 GBP.But I charge 40% of the winning.Can we do this deal together?

A warm invitation to you to participate in the 2nd Summit on Child Abuse & Human Trafficking.

I wrote a book in German and I would like to mail this book to Director Roland Emmerich. He is German and this is the catastrophic style he enjoys. Can you help me?

The magic of this work offers introspection, changes in mind body consciousness and guiding people to experience the teacher of their own inner message.

Dear Vehicle Buyer, If you are in need of a big van then the New Citroen Relay 3.5kg 2.2Hdi L3H2 long wheel base high roof van is the van for you.

I am enquiring as to what i need to do to help my son-in-law recieve (sic) recognition for his writing.

I am very interested in starting a career in proofreading and copy-editing but I am not sure how to go about it. In your experience, what qualities are looked for in new proofreaders and copy-editors?